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Why am I in New Jersey? --Or, Test Site Options for Nuclear Weapons

Almost every time I visit New Jersey, I find myself asking the same question:

Why am I in New Jersey?

It's an important question that has no good answer. Even if you can come up with a decent answer, the next question is most likely: "Want to get the F%#& out of Jersey?" Example: Why are we in Jersey? To get some White Castle, Dude! Now that that's done, what's the quickest way out of this state? Fear and loathing New Jersey much? Mostly loathing because:
  1. There is no reason for the trail to go through Jersey. I'm walking South-East on a trail that should be going North-East.
  2. It's mostly swamps. They do have board walks which are nice, but they tend to drop you off in the middle of a manure (read "cow shit") covered field. It's like they could afford 1 mile worth of boardwalk,  but not the last 200 feet to dry trail.
  3. More mosquitoes than 1920's Panama. It's as bad as I've ever seen them...felt them....ever.
  4. People aren't mean, but they aren't exactly helpful. Here's an actual conversation I had with a deli owner after buying $20 worth of sandwich:
    • Do you mind if I charge my phone while I eat this?
    • No, I don't allow that
    • Ummmm.....Ok.....
  5. Upon entering New Jersey, here's the signs you see:
    • No Camping except....
    • No fires
    • No hitchhiking
    • No alcohol
Granted, the no alcohol thing is pretty standard along the trail. However, it's still very ironic seeing it in a state whose claim to fame revolves around binge drinking Guidos. Taking everything I've seen into consideration, I'm going to officially brand New Jersey as:


All that being said, there is one good thing that Jersey has done for me as a So-Cal resident: Jersey Shore stole the spotlight away from TV atrocities such as "The OC" and "The Real ______(plural noun) of the OC." This has allowed people from Orange County, such as myself, to identify my hometown without the infuriating follow-up of, "Oh, like the show?" It's kind of like when you're the dorkiest kid on the playground and some new kid does something so godawful retarded that now you're the second dorkiest, thus avoiding the brunt of the bullying. Thanks Jersey!

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